So this time I'm on the way to Hong Kong. ETA about 1 hour to landing time. Haven't seen Tiffany in more than 6 months. Going to spend the next four days with her. Really excited, cause recently I've been feeling like the many korean friendships I have built over the last 5 months have been strained. Makes sense, we aren't able to have many years to built a stable relationships in order to sustain obstacles and trials. On top of all that we are in one of the most vulnerable time of our lives because we are far from the aforementioned friends and family. So basically I'm glad to see Tiffany. Who knows most of my flaws so we don't have to start fresh. Lol
A lot has happened in the past 5 months that at the least would count as extremely life changing. Lol nothing to really laugh at there except the understatement of life changing. Came to find me, be me and see if I could try and tackle some of these age old "issues". Hard to imagine how I managed to add more to my free for all plate.
One thing I accepted about myself, is that I will forever be the shoulder. I live my life happy to be the support of my friends. I just need to know who I am and how to love myself at the same time.
I'm currently easing myself off the nortrypaline I've been on the last 3 years. The goal is my 26th birthday, makes sense since it should end where it started. The sudden truth of being in my "late" 20's is slowly settling down. The two things that help me deal with this, is the fact that I can say I saw my dream and went for it. Consequences and all, there might be a lot I will look back on but I will never regret coming to Korea. This feeling is similar to the one I felt the day I decided I was going back to York to finish what I started. I knew it's a path I've chosen to go and am going to embrace it, fears and obstacles included.
The second is the fact that my best friends have all stuck by me and stand there guarding me while I'm taking time away from them to work on me. Many things have continued in their lives as well but they do nothing but encourage me with their love and support. I love you girls and wouldn't trade you guys for anyone(period).
Now, I need to start sorting out the massive pile of mess I have on my plate. One thing at a time. Hold me to it, because its a promise.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
One of those days...
Having a day that started with being locked out of my apartment while drunk at 7am... then proceeded to spin downwards until total exhaustion.
I've met so many new friends here and they are all interesting people whom with some I feel like I will know for many years to come. I've come to the conclusion since my first month here that I would stay for an extra year. This was the result of many factors, including people here and my own position. It would benefit me more in financial and personal way.
The first time I doubted that cemented decision was today. I was a bit late in taking my meds due to the locked door which means emotional roller coaster for the rest of today. Its a double edge sword... I either have to cry (which I ended up doing on the bus with people staring) or throwing up.
Easy to say the reason I despise medications is because it has the ability to control your emotions and cap them off. I started the weaning off process last Sunday and I'm hoping to be off the meds in a month. Big milestone for me since I've been on them since April 2009. I think that will be my only new years resolution this year. Something easy and controlled, tired of the unexpectedness that is life.
Back to the doubt in topic. I realized when wanting to talk to someone real bad at 3pm on a Sunday (1am on a Saturday in Toronto) I had no one I could talk to. That feeling paired with other things I'm going through right now gave me quite a heavy heart. It was a gasped moment of dead realization and hurt at the same time.
Korea has been a great experience for me and I still love what I came here for, the food, the people, the language and the culture. But I didn't see the empty friendships built here on the forever turning time wheel of a one year contract.
Got some thinking to do...
I've met so many new friends here and they are all interesting people whom with some I feel like I will know for many years to come. I've come to the conclusion since my first month here that I would stay for an extra year. This was the result of many factors, including people here and my own position. It would benefit me more in financial and personal way.
The first time I doubted that cemented decision was today. I was a bit late in taking my meds due to the locked door which means emotional roller coaster for the rest of today. Its a double edge sword... I either have to cry (which I ended up doing on the bus with people staring) or throwing up.
Easy to say the reason I despise medications is because it has the ability to control your emotions and cap them off. I started the weaning off process last Sunday and I'm hoping to be off the meds in a month. Big milestone for me since I've been on them since April 2009. I think that will be my only new years resolution this year. Something easy and controlled, tired of the unexpectedness that is life.
Back to the doubt in topic. I realized when wanting to talk to someone real bad at 3pm on a Sunday (1am on a Saturday in Toronto) I had no one I could talk to. That feeling paired with other things I'm going through right now gave me quite a heavy heart. It was a gasped moment of dead realization and hurt at the same time.
Korea has been a great experience for me and I still love what I came here for, the food, the people, the language and the culture. But I didn't see the empty friendships built here on the forever turning time wheel of a one year contract.
Got some thinking to do...
Sunday, January 8, 2012
"Somebody that I used to know"
Love the original song by Gotye but WOTE's cover I think is another great example of their musical genius!!! <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
"Somebody That I Used To Know"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9NF2edxy-M
"Somebody That I Used To Know"
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Somebody
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know
But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
And you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Somebody
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Vietnam
As I'm sitting here on this Vietnam sleeper bus trying not to freak out, I have this weird feeling of joy. Haha I will explain the bus then the weird feeling of joy. First I'm claustrophobic and extremely so. When I first got on I thought it was a double decker bus, since we had 2nd level seats. Only when I fully finished taking off my shoes at the door ( this should have been warning sign) did I realize it was a bed full of 2 level bunk beds and you can't even fully sit up. We were all on the top bunk and I fully curse being in Asia for the first time since arriving in Korea. This is because if I were in America this level would fully be above average height for me, but, since I have enjoyed the benefits of Asian height average ( bus handles, pants lengths, kitchen cupboards and chair sizes) I knew there would eventually be a con. Given my still recovering foot and the crazy driver who seems to have forgotten he had live ones in the back, I'd say I'm coping pretty well.
Ooops forgot to mention why I was on this bus. We're on our way to Nha Trang, which is between Hanoi (north) and Ho Chi Minh City (south). It is approximately 5- 6 hours drive from Ho Chi Minh City, but because people have to pee 3 times a night, it becomes a 9 hour drive. We are doing the overnight bus, which is 930-630 and it is currently 130.
Return to original reason for this post, so I'm trying not to think about the small encasing box I'm in or imagine the bus flipping over. I take a moment; something I was advised by my wedding dj and mc, Dave Beal, to do whenever I'm doing something important in my life. I did this at my graduation, the week before my wedding. As I was sitting on the stage staring into the dark crowd that was filled with dark mysterious figures of family friends, I took that moment. I congratulated myself for having the courage to come back and finishing what I needed to do. Also for not doing it half way, but giving it my all and finishing 2 years in a year and 4 months with a 7.8 GPA in sociology. That time made the difference to where I am capable of being this year.
The second time was rightfully so at my wedding, Matt and I took it together. It made my memory of that night a cemented experience that I will forever cherish.
The third time was half way through my Korean Air flight over to Korea. It finally hit me as the plane at great speeds took me away from my loved ones and every bit of safeness my life had. I took a moment and started to think about ways I can make the plane turn around or how long I would be in debt if I just booked a return flight upon arrival. LOL just a little secret I decided to share finally. I came up with some pretty interesting ideas, that I will just keep to myself.
Okay, finally back to the fourth and current time I am taking this moment. I'm in Vietnam... I are traveling along the coasts of Vietnam. Next month I'm heading to Hong Kong and more plans for July. *breath out... Last year at this point I was in a different but not worse situation. Never did I think I would be able to cross something, let alone several items off my bucket list. I've missed my mom and dad and when I saw them I was very excited. But I am not a mess, I'm fully aware of having to depart from them in 9 days and then it will be 8 more months before I see them again. I feel the growth I went to Korea to find, among the goals like eating all of Korea's GamJaTang, redesigning myself to become Korean, and learning Han Guel. Obviously only one of those are true, I will leave that for you to make crazy assumptions. I feel my 26th birthday coming up and for the first time I'm embracing it because this past year has finally given me experiences I can be proud to have had by this age. It is weird for me to not feel an over whelming feeling of anxiety and hyper ventilation whenever I think about how old I am and what I have to show for it. Always the over achiever, before 2009 it was looking pretty grim.
I don't know where I got the courage to just pack up and leave the only side of the world I have ever been on. But not almost 5 months in I am grateful for what ever I was thinking back then. My experience in Korea has been almost near perfect. I have honestly met amazing people and gone to places I never thought I would go on my own. Granted every time I'm somewhere amazing I always imagine my family and the girls back home standing with me. I want to share with them the amazing feeling of freedom that washes over me. Learning Korean has been a great aid in feeling at home in Korea. My life has indefinitely been changed by this relocation of "home sweet home" but I will push only forward and be strong. I'm going to truly live a life with no regrets, a mantra I have been quoting since the day I've join the online community, haha hello Asianavenue.
"I'm living life and it's Hella awesome" muahahahahahah LOL okay maybe I don't need the evil Dr.Evils laugh but why not! Muahahahahhahahaha :p
Ooops forgot to mention why I was on this bus. We're on our way to Nha Trang, which is between Hanoi (north) and Ho Chi Minh City (south). It is approximately 5- 6 hours drive from Ho Chi Minh City, but because people have to pee 3 times a night, it becomes a 9 hour drive. We are doing the overnight bus, which is 930-630 and it is currently 130.
Return to original reason for this post, so I'm trying not to think about the small encasing box I'm in or imagine the bus flipping over. I take a moment; something I was advised by my wedding dj and mc, Dave Beal, to do whenever I'm doing something important in my life. I did this at my graduation, the week before my wedding. As I was sitting on the stage staring into the dark crowd that was filled with dark mysterious figures of family friends, I took that moment. I congratulated myself for having the courage to come back and finishing what I needed to do. Also for not doing it half way, but giving it my all and finishing 2 years in a year and 4 months with a 7.8 GPA in sociology. That time made the difference to where I am capable of being this year.
The second time was rightfully so at my wedding, Matt and I took it together. It made my memory of that night a cemented experience that I will forever cherish.
The third time was half way through my Korean Air flight over to Korea. It finally hit me as the plane at great speeds took me away from my loved ones and every bit of safeness my life had. I took a moment and started to think about ways I can make the plane turn around or how long I would be in debt if I just booked a return flight upon arrival. LOL just a little secret I decided to share finally. I came up with some pretty interesting ideas, that I will just keep to myself.
Okay, finally back to the fourth and current time I am taking this moment. I'm in Vietnam... I are traveling along the coasts of Vietnam. Next month I'm heading to Hong Kong and more plans for July. *breath out... Last year at this point I was in a different but not worse situation. Never did I think I would be able to cross something, let alone several items off my bucket list. I've missed my mom and dad and when I saw them I was very excited. But I am not a mess, I'm fully aware of having to depart from them in 9 days and then it will be 8 more months before I see them again. I feel the growth I went to Korea to find, among the goals like eating all of Korea's GamJaTang, redesigning myself to become Korean, and learning Han Guel. Obviously only one of those are true, I will leave that for you to make crazy assumptions. I feel my 26th birthday coming up and for the first time I'm embracing it because this past year has finally given me experiences I can be proud to have had by this age. It is weird for me to not feel an over whelming feeling of anxiety and hyper ventilation whenever I think about how old I am and what I have to show for it. Always the over achiever, before 2009 it was looking pretty grim.
I don't know where I got the courage to just pack up and leave the only side of the world I have ever been on. But not almost 5 months in I am grateful for what ever I was thinking back then. My experience in Korea has been almost near perfect. I have honestly met amazing people and gone to places I never thought I would go on my own. Granted every time I'm somewhere amazing I always imagine my family and the girls back home standing with me. I want to share with them the amazing feeling of freedom that washes over me. Learning Korean has been a great aid in feeling at home in Korea. My life has indefinitely been changed by this relocation of "home sweet home" but I will push only forward and be strong. I'm going to truly live a life with no regrets, a mantra I have been quoting since the day I've join the online community, haha hello Asianavenue.
"I'm living life and it's Hella awesome" muahahahahahah LOL okay maybe I don't need the evil Dr.Evils laugh but why not! Muahahahahhahahaha :p
Making Kim Chi Pancakes
My principal gave he homemade kim chi that is BOMB so the kimchi pancakes are...*droooooollll lol
*Jo- extra spicy!!!! Lol <3
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