Thursday, March 15, 2012

Weirdest Dream...

Had a dream last night where my father and mother were separated...by divorce.

My mom, brother (Raymond), and I are living in San Francisco with my grandmother. Guess my father got my sister and other brother (Jason).

Ray has become mentally unstable because of the lost of his good friend (Cathy- knock on wood) and lives offon his own somewhere. My mother is living with my grandma at what should be her old age home but resembles a homeless shelter. Bunk beds on the street??? Literally only bunk beds of the street, 3 stacked on top of each other.

I don't see this, but I know my father is well off, wherever he is.

There's a lot of hardship for my mom, who is trying to get past the divorce and poverty. Through out the dream you can see her rebuilding herself, slowly. My grandmother, in reality who is the dependent one because of health issues, is suddenly so strong, both emotionally and physically.

Eventually, my brother makes his way back around again. He is happy, healthy and suddenly really mature. He picks up helping my mom and grandma move out of the shelter.

There's this one scene that stands out for me, there's this dangerous strip of neighborhood that I keep having to walk through. I would walk through it again and again through out the dream, waiting for something to happen. But, nothing does. Literally you past this one store and it's safe again.

Suggestions on what this dream may be about?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Quote of the decade...

I want to be a leaning edge for you, an encouraging word for you... not the high expectation you're afraid to fail

Monday, March 12, 2012

Another Chapter Closed in my Life...

As a lot of you know, I've been struggling with a law case over the last 4 years. It has been haunting me and constantly bringing me down, but as of this week it will be over. It feels weird now that it is finally over. I only want to continue my goal to remove myself off the medication, then I can try and fully forget about it.

Hope for the best...

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Tomorrow...

There's nothing profound about the realization that you should cherish every day like its your last, scratch that, make it every second. But, the reality is, most of us don't. We let ourselves get worked up over petty things that won't matter a year or even a month from now.

"My coworker didn't tell me this, or gave me this late. I missed the bus. My mom complaining about my uncle. People who won't be in your life in a year from now, are annoying you. People who will be in your life a year from now, are annoying you!"

None of this will matter anymore... but yet I waste my time, frustration and energy on it. When will we learn? When will I learn?

Just finished watching Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, (good movie, recommended) and right after I finished it, I called my Dad for the maybe 6th time, since I came to Korea 7 months ago. He's with a client and didn't ick up, so I did the next best thing. I called my brother and told him to say hi to my dad. I actually LOLed when I hung up.

It was in 2005 that I finally watched something related to 911 post "the worst day". It was during a mandatory training to start my job as a security officer at Toronto's Pearson Airport. I don't think I wanted to believe that people were capable of doing such senseless yet destructive things to each other. I wanted to continue living the material, self involved, and complicated for no reason life, any freshman University student was living. As I watched what I thought were part of the building breaking apart, I tried not to think about what I was actually watching. It was when I realized that it wasn't cement pieces, rather people I was watching jump from the windows, that it hit me how close to home this was. As I think about it now, it still sends a shiver down my back.

I am now in Korea 7 years later, better educated on the capabilities of our so called society, and yet still living in this self involved, half aware state. I have beliefs I strongly hold when it comes to being a bad person and who I am. As many times, that there might have been hesitation to what that actually means, I can still live with myself. I hope everyone in my life knows how much I love them and cherish them. I'd hate for them to realize it only through a blog from thousand of miles away. Well if you don't, you do now! Same mantra from grade 9 with a  slight change: (try to) Live life, no regrets!

Now if only I can start to call my parents more often...

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Acceptance


Sunset at Ggotji Beach, Anmyeon Do, South Korea

Had a fantastic weekend getaway to Anmyeon Island, filled with unlimited natural beauty to indulge in.
Last week was a hard week, a lot of different emotions were experienced and none were good ones. 
It is hard to accept that people whom have made a great impact in your life, won't remain with you forever. 
It is not death by which separation occurs but by irreconcilable differences...
It hurts me deeply to lose someone who has really helped me in greater ways than they can ever believe.
I was angry and felt betrayed at first, I had let my guards down and trusted promised words.
But now, I realized that some people aren't meant to walk the entire journey with you, but they will change it.
I am forever grateful to have met you, known you and for you.   
It ends here.

*For more pictures from this weekend, go here: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150606042379081.395809.502604080&type=1